The Sweatshop of Lovers Blog

My only real goal this past weekend was to finish my second Slouchy Beret for the Heather, the second blog giveaway winner. I mailed the first one out Saturday morning, well ahead of schedule, so I was confident I could knock the other one out.

I got some Lion Brand Wool Ease Thick N Quick and knit it all afternoon. I blocked it on a plate, put it on the radiator so it would dry faster, and in the morning I had a cute pink hat!

Pink Slouchy Beret

Or, that was how it was supposed to go. Sunday morning I checked on it and about died.

BURNED!

It got torched on the radiator!

My Poor Hat!

I have put projects on the radiator to dry since the beginning of time and this has never happened before! I throw my wet mittens, socks, hats, and scarves on the radiator when I come in from a snow storm. So what the hell happened?!

I told my mom, who said, ‘Oh man, the woman you are sending it to is going to be so disappointed to see that.’

New Hat

Don’t think I didn’t think of it! But of course I can’t send someone a hat that looks like I used it to clean up cat puke. The second hat, however, is going a little slower. Once you finish a project it is hard to get the motivation to start the same exact thing over again.

Have you ever had a similar knitting disaster?

But I’ll finish it this afternoon, NOT block it on the radiator, and hopefully it will be dry by Thursday.

Breakfast Makes it Better

I always turn to pancakes when I’m feeling sad/sick/like I want to kill someone, and these pancakes with my mom’s apple  butter and potatoes made me feel better.

Homemade Tuna Helper

So does Homemade Tuna Helper. I don’t know what it is about shell shaped pasta. It just makes me feel so good. And I love when my food pictures have yarn in them.

Cabled Belt

The yarn next to dinner is from the Cabled Belt from the 2008 Winter issue of Vogue Knitting.

Picture in the Magazine

I have been lazily knitting it because I don’t plan on wearing it until New Years Eve. How fun is it to plan an outfit around a belt?!

The only people on Ravelry to knit it have used gold or grey yarn, but when I saw the picture I knew it had to be in a bright color. The cable pattern is very intuitive and it is knitting up quickly despite the size 5 needles I’m using.

And yes, I’m keeping this belt as far away from the radiator as I possibly can!

Me as Cupcake!

Halloween was so much fun! One of the best Halloweens on record.

My costume was so fun! The pink poo happily turned into a cupcake! It was probably my best costume since I was Jesus voting for John Kerry the Halloween before the 2004 election. And this costume doesn’t come with the three weeks of depression that followed the outcome of that election! Yay!

I got the idea from this foodnetwork.com child’s version.

PT as Chris Kimball

But mine is a lot better because I can sit down. Cardboard bottom? Seriously, Food Network?

Mine is also better because I made myself a candle headband! But I can see why they wouldn’t want something so phallic sticking out of a child’s head.

I didn’t mind!

Mine is also better because I cut a slit in the inside of the bottom frosting layer and used it as a purse, so I didn’t have to carry anything! And I made my sprinkles out of yarn. Of course!

PT was Chris Kimball from America’s Test Kitchen. People who knew who Chris Kimball was kept freaking out over his costume!

The Real Chris Kimball

He did a great job! I painted the little logo on the front of that apron and we were ready to go.

Off to Our First Party

Mark (three hole punch Mark), Dan (Don Draper), Jamie (a hot doll), and Mary (Betty Draper), and me and PT, ran into Lloyd Dobler on the Western bus.

Pic by Jamie

It was magic.

We ran around to different parties like crazy people. I even won a costume contest for my cupcake! It was a great night.

Mary Eats Me (Pic by Jamie)

But by the end of it, it was getting dangerous for me to be out.

Roasted Potatoes with Sage

Before heading out on Halloween night I cooked up some roasted potatoes and veggies with some fresh sage we had left over from Friday. If I single leaf of  that $7.20 sage goes bad I’m going to be so upset!

I used white kidney beans, carrots, onion, and sage. It was great!

PT and Pizza

Pt's Pizza

Yesterday we were back to our pizza Sundays! It was just what the hang over doctor ordered. PT made a green pepper, pineapple, artichoke heart, mushroom and bacon pizza, though he can’t even take his eyes off football for the picture!

My Pizza

I made a green pepper, artichoke heart, mushroom, and pineapple pizza. We haven’t had mushrooms in the house for quite a while, so we both went a little mushroom crazy.

My Slouchy Beret pattern is getting so much love! I can’t wait to see some finished hats! If you’ve got one let me know!

I always joke about eating like a poor person, but all healthy vegetarians eat like poor people. Unless it’s a special occasion, our meals usually cost between $1-2  a person.

One of my favorite poor person meals is Roasted Potatoes, Veggies, and Beans. It’s also a great pantry meal, when you haven’t gone grocery shopping in a month and there really isn’t anything left. It’s warm and filling and an excellent comfort meal. It’s 10am and I want some right now.

Ingredients

Ingredients (for 2)

Four baking potatoes cut into pieces

Two large carrots

One onion

2/3 cup prepared beans (black, northern, pinto, any!). If canned, drain and rinse. If dried, soak as directed and rinse.

Two cloves of garlic, diced or garlic pressed

Three tbsp oil, divided

Spices of your choice! I use: pepper, sea salt, fennel seeds, red pepper flakes, rosemary, bbq seasoning, cumin

1. Preheat oven to 350. Spray a baking sheet or 9 x 13 cake pan with cooking spray. Cut up your potatoes and toss them in a bowl in 2 tablespoons oil and seasonings.

Ready to Roast!

2. Spread your seasoned and oiled potatoes in your pan and throw them in your hot oven. Bake for 45 minutes.

3. Meanwhile, cut up your onion and carrots and put them in the same bowl you used to season your potatoes. Add beans, garlic, remaining (1 tbsp) oil, and re-season.

Ready for Round Two!

4. After your potatoes have baked for 45 minutes, take the potatoes out for a hot second, add carrot mixture, stir to combine, and bake for another 20 minutes.

Ready to Eat!

5. When it comes out the potatoes will be crisp on the outside and creamy on the inside, the carrots will still be crisp, the beans will be warm and seasoned, and the onions sweet.

Ready to Love

I squirt a little ketchup on mine because I love potatoes and ketchup! PT uses sriracha to spice it up a little. Either way, this dish is the perfect warm meal on a fall day.

And lets break this down:

4 Potatoes: 35 cents

2 Carrots: 15 cents

1 Onion: 10 cents

2/3 Cups Beans, Dried: 25 cents

Oil, Garlic, and Seasonings: Maybe 20 cents?

Meal Total: $1.05 and I’m being generous. I know I got that 10 pound bag of potatoes in my pantry on sale for $1.25, and I got the 5 pound bag of black beans for about $4 on sale. 1 pound of dried beans makes 5 cups. I’m not a mathematician, but that would be like, what? 13 cents for 2/3  cups of beans?

I’m making allowances for non sale items and we are still looking at a meal for two for $1.05! I love that.

Terror Kitties Strike Again

It has been a slow recovery from the weekend. PT and I got back into Chicago around 5 Sunday afternoon and we were both out for the count. We had sad tummies from all the eating/drinking and we were tired from all the lack of sleeping.

We had a little vacuuming to do before we could relax, however! Somehow Pudge Rodriguez and Velma found a bag of instant oatmeal, ripped the crap out of it, and framed that poor bear.

But, now it’s Wednesday.

And despite how it looks, I have been knitting!

… for myself.

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Back and Sides

I feel very passionately that you need to be a selfish knitter to really love knitting. Knitters get a lot of shit for being selfish, but non knitters have NO IDEA how much time goes into knitting something.

I only knit for knitters, my family, and my very very closest friends. No, I’m not going to knit my friend’s boyfriend a pair of socks because that would take me like 16 hours. No, you can’t pay me to make you a pair of socks because if I charged you minimum wage for the time it takes me to knit a pair of socks it would cost you, in Illinois, $128. Yeah, they are sweet socks. But damn!

So, yeah, it’s the holiday knitting season and I’m knitting myself a sweater. What’s it to you?

I’m loving the Girl Friday sweater! The stitch pattern is great, though it did take me quite a while to memorize. The pattern blocks down flatter, and I’m really looking forward to seeing how it turns out.

The pattern calls for making the back and both front pieces, so when I cast on the sweater, which started at the bottom, I just figured out the ribbing and went from there. When I got to the lace pattern I had to do a little adjusting; a decrease there and an increase here, just so the pattern would be even over all three of the pieces and match up. It’s working out! I’m almost done with the back panel.

Glorified Necklas #2

And I haven’t ONLY been knitting that sweater. My mom demanded I knit her a Glorified Necklace, and I can’t blame her. Have you been noticing how much I wear this thing?! I ripped up another sleeve and am a few rows into the lace pattern. I love it! I just wish I had the yarn to make it in a different color. I feel like an OCD freak when I’m wearing the same project I’m working on.

I’m also working on PT’s Christmas Present, but I’ll get to that later.

Roasted Potatoes, Beans, and Veggies

Lentil Soup

We were putting off the grocery shopping because of our trip to Minnesota last weekend, but now we just don’t know what to do. We need to go grocery shopping, but we need a car sized grocery trip. With no car and no real solution to this problem, we are pretending it doesn’t exist! And you know how good I am at pantry eating.

A winter go to meal is roasted potatoes, beans, and veggies. It’s filling, costs like 3 pennies to make, and is delicious. We will recipe this one out soon.

And yesterday I made some lentil soup with pinto beans and carrots. I finished it off for lunch today! How much do I psychotically love lentils?

I stopped by Emilio’s Produce on the way home today for a 1/2 gallon of milk, a bag of onions, broccoli, and an impulse buy – an avocado. That should get us to the weekend.

… SPEAKING OF THE WEEKEND! YARNCON! It’s Saturday! Come say hi to me and my hot sign.

PT had to work all weekend; luckily he could work from home, in front of football, but still. He spent the entire weekend in front of his computer, doing fancy TV producer work. In order to make that less sucky, I had a food plan.

Lentil Sloppy Joes!

It Tastes as Good as It Looks

A food plan that started with Lentil Sloppy Joes! I saw this recipe at No Meat Athlete. He’s got a lot of great vegetarian recipes that he tries and works through on his site, and this one had been on my radar for a while. The recipe, lovingly called Snobby Joes, is really easy and I basically just emptied my pantry into my wok. Some peppers, onions, lentils and spices! They were amazing! PT had two of them for lunch and another for dinner. I thought they were really flavorful; it’s easy to kick up the spices to make them spicier, or tone it down, and it can sit on your stove top all day for repeat visits.

Pizzas for Football Sunday

Pizza Goodness!

A pretty standard meal on Sundays are these little homemade pizzas. Maybe standard isn’t the right word, because it implies a fall back. Our homemade pizzas are so delicious! Homemade crust, homemade sauce, caramelized onions, pineapple, roasted red peppers (and olives for PT) with a sprinkle of Parmesan! I still think we should go into business.

Baking Up A Storm

I went into crazed baking mode last night! I got an extra little gig helping organize the office of a restaurant in Wicker Park (oh the life of a freelance knitting teacher?) and I got home and decided I needed to make two batches of granola bars, more Tigers Suck Cookies (even though they had an off day yesterday! They kinda sucked it up this weekend), a loaf of pumpernickel bread, and zucchini pancakes!

Holy Baker!

I saw the zucchini pancake recipe at Sarah’s blog, and I’m so glad I did! I didn’t have the crystallized ginger, and I only used about a half a cup of olive oil and moistened it up a little more with some water, and these were so great!

Potatoes and Zucchini Pancakes

They were so much sweeter than I expected them to be, being made of zucchini. But just like zucchini cakes or muffins, I don’t really know what the zucchini adds other than an excuse to eat more of them! Because it’s VEGETABLES!

And now I don’t have to bake again for the rest of my life. I’ve got cookies and granola bars enough to last me a while! I love that feeling.

Back from a long weekend in Michigan and I’m feeling big/tired/groggy/just totally out of it.

I don’t sleep much when I’m at my mom’s house. I stay up late watching TV and hanging with my mom (I blame the Tivo – it’s just too amazing to stop watching at a reasonable hour), and I get up early so I don’t miss anything. My mom is an early riser, so by 7, or 6 central time, I’m up and at ‘em! And then it’s go go go all day long.

Cropped Jacket at Biggby

And I ate very poorly. Lots of sweets and pizza and cheesy potatoes. My body is so mad at me. I’m sore with no reason for it! It’s not like I got any exercise at all.

And I didn’t do a very good job of taking pictures, either! I pulled the camera out at Biggby because I was wearing the Vogue Cropped Jacket I worked so hard on while I was home and working away on at Biggby every day a few weeks ago.

Notice how my buttons are a little floppy? I need to reinforce them with some more yarn in the backs of them. Otherwise, I love this sweater! I wore it at least a little bit every day I was home.

PT Loves Biggby!

While PT checked his email (and celebrated the delicious Biggby coffee!)…

Early Stocking

… I worked on my stocking. I started it Saturday because I couldn’t work on anything else, with my mom being around all the time, and PT’s present would be a no go.

Moving Right Along!

Aren’t they coming out so well? That light green was exactly what I was looking for. The contrast between that light green and the red is perfect! Christmas-y, but not hit you in the face Christmas-y.

Oat Bowl!

Tomato Sandwich and Cheesy Potato Leftovers

In Michigan PT and I shopped like people going into hiding for the winter. I’m pretty sure we won’t have to go grocery shopping for months! The combination of Michigan prices, fresh Michigan produce, and having a car are just too much for us to handle.

Let the detox begin! It was so nice to have an oat bowl this morning with fresh Michigan peaches and grapes!

My lunch today was a tomato sandwich with my mom’s tomato, romaine, a little miracle whip and a pickle, with a side of leftover cheesy potatoes.

I’ve got so many veggies in my fridge my brain is exploding trying to think of what to make for dinner! Best problem ever.

Elizabeth and I met at Adrian College our freshmen year. We were both there for only one year, but the year highlights include strip monopoly, Optical Illusion Boy, me living off cookies and coffee for 9 months, Cripple Boy, Brad playing Oasis and Travis nonstop, Dreamy Matt Rife, Chelsea and I becoming drummers, The Gloworm, and a WHOLE lot of boy drama. Elizabeth, Chelsea, Lindsay and I, while recapping our weekends one Monday at lunch, discovered that between the four of us we made out with enough boys in the past 2 days to field a baseball team.

Elizabeth and I hadn’t seen each other since my 21st birthday party four and a half years ago. You know, like the Olympics.  She lives in Columbus, just far enough away from Chicago to make that an inconvenient drive. But she did it Friday! And 7 hours later she was in, and then we were out, of Chicago.

Colleen's Birthday

We had to drive out to St Charles for Colleen’s birthday party. After Elizabeth’s drive, and I had just gotten back in the city a couple hours before as well, we weren’t exactly pumped about the two hour drive through traffic to the burbs, but we had to do it for Colleen.

Well, I had to do it for Colleen and Elizabeth was a trooper.

Blueberry Pancakes and Potatoes with Fresh Dill

Saturday morning we made blueberry pancakes with the abundance of blueberries I brought back from Michigan, and potatoes with fresh dill.

It was hot and sunny and beautiful in Chicago Saturday, so Elizabeth and I walked around Logan Square and Wicker Park for a while with iced coffees before heading to Handlebar for a late lunch.

Elizabeth is PUMPED

We walked over to The Clipper for drinks after some Saturday night baseball (that Elizabeth was also a trooper through).

PT Ready to Ride

Beers and the Band

Gil and Martin came with a friend, and PT rode over despite having a Tastee Freeze-for-dinner tummy ache (Elizabeth and I didn’t seem to have a problem with it!).

Clue on a Rainy Afternoon

Sunday was rainy, so we played Clue! PT looks like he is really concentrating on the game, but it was a massacre. Elizabeth won twice and I won once.

BORED

Pudge thought we were the lamest people in the history of the world.

Look Out!

So she made us some drinks! The combo of the night? Aloe vera juice and coconut rum. Well done, Pudge. Well done.

Beet Salad and Fresh Corn on the Cob

They went very well with the beet salad and corn on the cob we made for dinner. Elizabeth has never eaten beets before, and she gave this a thumbs up! Naturally.

Night Beach

After dinner it stopped raining enough for us to drive over to North Avenue Beach, something we had been talking about all weekend, but with the Air and Water Show and it being 90 degrees, it was crowded and loud all weekend.

Water? 0 Degrees

Of course, without sun the water was a little cold! This was about as far as we could make it.

But the city was beautiful and the beach was empty. There was even a storm over the water we were watching for a while.

I think we showed Elizabeth a good time. I mean, who doesn’t like blueberry pancakes, clue, and the night beach?

It was nice to be back in the city for me, too. Sleeping in a bed was sweet! Seeing the kitties, and PT, was much needed. And those four pounds I didn’t gain while home I sure gained this weekend!

I’m looking forward to seeing Elizabeth again in four and a half years for my 30th birthday party! We planned this one out well, actually.

I woke up this morning at 6. I made pickles. I still smell like pickles; you can’t get that smell out of your hands. Like garlic. Or lemon.

Pickles are not something you  make by yourself. Making pickles is ridiculous, and Oliver and Batley just didn’t appreciate the ridiculousness of making pickles at 6am to the extent I needed them to.

And I did something stupid.

Work? No Thanks, I'll Start A Sweater

I started the Vogue Cropped Jacket. Yesterday. As you can see, I made some progress, because I don’t want to do anything but knit this sweater. I didn’t even turn my computer on at all yesterday. Get this! I READ THE PAPER to get scores. I felt like such an old dude.

Seed St Bottom, Bell St Body

My mom and I ran to Hobby Lobby yesterday morning, through torrential rain, to pick up Lion Brand Fishermen’s Wool in the dark tweed, and of course I can’t just sit and do some actual work, like I’m supposed to be doing, I have to start my sweater, and not stop working on it for one moment.

Isn’t it pretty?

I’m at Biggby this morning. Made pickles, came to Biggby. I’ve been sitting here for about an hour and a half now; I’m the only one sitting, and I 3 couples have come and gone. Sunday morning in Allendale is not a big morning for coffee, apparently. And everyone has said the exact same thing:

Coffee Guy: Morning!

Man: It’s a hot one out there!

Coffee Guy: Iced coffee? Haha!

Man and Woman: Haha!

Woman: Iced ___________

(Coffee Guy makes drink): This will help you stay cool!

Man: We’ll need it! Haha!

Woman and Coffee Guy: Haha!

Have I mentioned how much I love it here? I got a small coffee, and when I moseyed over to the self serve area I found the Michigan Cherry medium roast. Halla! It is delightful.

'Sunday' Dinner

I’m extraordinarily lucky to have grandparents I’m very close to and that live 15 minutes away from my parents. They have been coming over on Sunday afternoons to eat a huge meal and play cards for as long as I can remember. We moved our Sunday meal up a day this weekend because today is supposed to be 95 degrees and my parents don’t have air conditioning in the cabin. The ‘Sunday’ dinner spread was my papa’s potato salad, which is the best potato salad in the entire world and has spoiled me away from every other potato salad there is, that huge fruit salad, grilled potatoes, and grilled lemon pepper chicken.

And please take a moment to stare with amazement at my mom’s table runner! She knit that with her yarn scraps. The contrast of that table runner on the dark wood immediately catches your eye and lights up the entire room.

My Plate

Here is a closer look at her work! And my plate. I had a heeping serving of both potato salad and potatoes, with ketchup, and a few pieces of the grilled chicken. And a lot of fruit salad! The fruit salad had watermelon, blueberries, nectarines, early apples, and apricots all from Michigan, and grapes, but I’m not sure where the grapes came from.

I whipped up the marinate from the chicken with the zest of four lemons, the juice of 6 lemons, maybe a tablespoon of olive oil, and a whole lot of pepper.

(And my mom is going to kill me, but I have to point out that the woman uses paper plates, paper bowls, and beautiful hand made by her cloth napkins. The ridiculousness of that is exactly why I love my mother so much. Of course she would use the napkins she made because they are beautiful and look great with the table runner she made, but she doesn’t want to wash all those dishes. It’s logical and ridiculous.)

I also finished my second Two Texture Mitten in 24 hours, because today is my grandma’s birthday and I wanted to give them to her. Unfortunately my camera ran out of batteries and the battery charger is at home, so I won’t be able to take a picture of them, of her, or of the brunch we are about to have at The Peppermill Grill, (Papa: The Butter Wagon, The Butterball. Dad: The Buttermill. Matthew: The Butterbutt – I don’t know where they all got butter from) which has a yelp page now! But no reviews. (cough, PT, cough)

Church Wear: A dude in his early 20s just walked into Biggby wearing tan flip flops, white cargo shorts with a newspaper sticking out of his back pocket, a tan fabric belt, a black button down with the sleeves rolled up to the elbows, and a silver tie. Oh! And he ordered an iced peanut butter cup latte.

I’ve got to pack up quick if I’m going to catch him before he jumps back into the Jeep Grand Cherokee he took the time to back into a parking spot for a 30 second stop at the coffee shop!

Since I got that Summer Sweater out of the way, I’ve been able to work on my other projects that have been hanging out on the back burner.

My Sweater Pattern

I separated the sleeves of the sweater pattern I’m writing. Cute, right? Tara’s Sweater inspired me to make my sweater stripped, and I’m working on it right now and looking at the picture of Tara’s sweater and it looks a lot alike! Right now I’m working on boob increases. It is hard to translate boob size to stitches increased, but I’m trying.

Working on it right now, you ask? One of the many joys of having a very old computer is that you have a ton of free time to knit, balance your checkbook, dance, whatever! while things are loading. I am never without a project while working on my Old Lady. Especially when I have a lot of programs going. Right now? iTunes, gchat, my photo editor, and this blog writing page. Old Lady is working hard. She is just lucky there isn’t a baseball game on.

F-BLTA Sandwich

If it is possible to die from an avocado overdose I’ve got to be close by now. After Saturday’s avocado soup and avocado salad, you would think I would have had enough of the stuff. Not the case! Yesterday PT suggested BLTs for lunch. With avocado, of course, though the letter is not represented. And if we are being technical, that is fake bacon. PT calls it bacon crackers, but I’m fine with it. I can’t remember what real bacon tastes like, anyway. This sandwich was unbelievable! Homemade bread, a little Miracle Whip, lots of tomato, romaine, bacon crackers, and a quarter of an avocado.

Egg and Avocado Salad Sandwich

Then I turn around this afternoon and make egg salad with avocado for lunch. This is so incredibly simple: one hard boiled egg, 1/4 of an avocado, fresh cracked pepper. Mash with fork. Throw on toasted bread.

I’m sure I am alive right now only because my dinner last night didn’t involve avocado at all.

Fresh Michigan Blueberry Pancakes, and Potatoes

One of the best parts about being an adult is that you can eat pancakes whenever you want. Hungry at 3am? Pancakes! Dinner? Pancakes! Hungover and just woke up at 2pm? Pancakes!

Our excuse? The Logan Square Farmers Market treated us right again yesterday with a pint of fresh Michigan blueberries for $4. One pint of fresh Michigan blueberries? Pancakes! These were cinnamon blueberry pancakes and heavenly. The blueberries exploded when I cut into them, so the blueberry juices would spill onto the plate, mixing with the syrup I sopped up with my pancake! Stop. Just stop.

The potatoes were excellent, too.

I still had those pancakes on the brain when I was hitting my Goggle Reader this morning. A blog I just recently started following, Bakerella, had a blueberry pancake orgasm on her blog, too. And while you are over there, check out the reason I’m following this amazing woman in the first place.

By the way, my boobs are size 12 stitches. I’m ok with it.

Last night I threw together an old stand by.

Potato Bowl

I thought I only had 20 minutes to throw something together before my class last night, so I picked out a big potato, baked it in the microwave, threw some cheddar, salsa, broccoli, and mushrooms on it, and it was delicious. Sometimes a microwaved potato is all you need.

If only I knew that both my students last night would cancel! I would have baked that potato up right.

PT's Dinner

PT got home and cooked himself up this amazing pasta dinner. He sauteed up some mushrooms, olives, garlic, and sun dried tomatoes in olive oil and threw it on some whole wheat pasta, finishing it with some fresh parmesan. He gave me a bite, and I’m sure I would have liked it but for my intense dislike of olives. In any case, the boy’s dinner beat the crap out of mine.

Pasta Salad Lunch

To make myself feel better about my culinary skills, this morning I got up early and made a pasta salad for our lunches. I packed mine so I could eat lunch before going to the gym, something I wanted to do right from work. Delicious!

This was the first time I’ve packed a lunch, eaten it at work, and gone straight to the gym when I got off work. I like it! That way I don’t go home and get distracted. I pack my clothes, my lunch, and I’m off! I’ll be doing this more often.

Mark Bittman had a blog recently about saving money by cooking at home. You know how much I love saving money by cooking delicious food at home, so I was all about this article. Unfortunately I already do everything suggested (eat less meat, cook more beans, grains, cook in bulk, buy on sale, etc), but I did want to try this no-knead bread recipe that apparently costs 68 cents to bake and was super easy.

1. In a large bowl combine 3 cups flour, 1/4 tsp yeast, and 1 1/4 tsp of salt. Add 1 5/8 cups of water and stir up until blended, it will be sticky. Let rise 18 hours.

Post Rise

I let it rise like 20 hours. The recipe says, ‘dough is ready when its surface is dotted with bubbles’. Totally done, right?

‘Lightly flour a work surface and place dough on it; sprinkle it with a little more flour and fold it over on itself once or twice. Cover loosely with plastic wrap and let rest about 15 minutes.’

Done. Easy.

‘Using just enough flour to keep dough from sticking to work surface or to your fingers, gently and quickly shape dough into a ball. Generously coat a cotton towel with flour’ put dough seam side down on towel and dust with more flour. Cover with another cotton towel and let rise for about 2 hours.’

Um?

Could I have messed this up? I used a ton of flour when it says to use ‘just enough’, and look at my hand! Right now I’m an hour and 18 minutes into the let rise for 2 hours part. Though, the recipe says, ‘when it is ready, dough will be more than double in size and will not readily spring back when poked with a finger.’ Unless this puppy is going to more than double its size in the next 42 minutes, I fucked up a recipe Mark Bittman made a point to say: ‘The method is surprisingly simple — I think a 4-year-old could master it — and the results are fantastic.’

So I’m not quite saying I should have kidnapped a 4 year old to make this bread for me, but I have some low expectations. What the hell did I do?

My only bit of solace comes in the last instruction: it may look like a mess, but that is ok. It sure as hell looks like a mess alright. This is God telling me to stop being so cocky about my cookies and muffins.

‘You think you’re Martha Stewert?’ I hear him scoff as I look down at my soggy, sticky dough. Who knew God scoffed?