The Sweatshop of Love Blog

I’m still getting use to my new camera, but what better to practice taking pictures of than a peoplegurumi FO?

Adamgurumi

My brother Adam, Baby Nolan‘s dad, has huge muscles and he likes to drink protein shakes. He is a security guard, so he wears an all black uniform.

Detroit Lions Hat

He also likes the Detroit Lions. Because he is awesome.

PROTIEN MAKES BIG MUSCLES

This is the first time I’ve changed the basic person pattern, because Adam has huge arms.

See? Huge Arms

See? And a really, really cute son. Yeah, that was gratuitous cute baby picture.

So first there was Jamiegurumi, then there was Taragurumi, and now there is Adamgurumi. And there are more to come!

Pattern: Basic Amigurumi Person Pattern

Yarn: Leftover worsted weight scraps

Hook: Size G

I drive my students (and, I’m sure, my twitter followers) crazy talking about football. Or, not crazy, but I get a lot of, ‘Ohh Allyson!’-s. Especially during my Sunday morning Holiday Present Prep class. The class is scheduled from 10-12, and at noon sharp I start checking fantasy stats on my phone.

My students, at least, are very polite. They pretend to be interested when I go on about injuries and favorable match ups. I’ll be knitting away, chatting about all my players on the injury reports and how serious they are. Then I’ll look up and see a bunch of smiling, nodding knitters.

Which is what I like to see! But, you know, when I’m instructing knitting, not just because they have no idea what I’m talking about.

1997 Rose Bowl Win

I started loving football in 1997 when the University of Michigan Wolverines won the Rose Bowl. I was 13. It was awesome.

Detroit Lions Sadface

At the same time I became a Detroit Lions fan. This has not gone as well. And UofM has fallen pretty far over the past 13 years. I stand by them both, though. In fact, the worse they are the more hard core of a fan I am. I’m under no illusion that they are good, but they are my teams, and I will be a fan till I die. Or until Detroit implodes. Even then I’ll be the crazy old lady wearing old Detroit Lions tshirts and screaming at kids who ask me what Detroit is.

I’m not just a fan of my teams. I’m a FOOTBALL FAN! I love it all. I watch every televised college game on Saturdays and every televised professional game on Sundays.

I yell. A lot. My biggest pet peeve? A blow 2 minute drill. Not just a football pet peeve. My biggest pet peeve in life. I’m not an angry person. When I start to get angry in life I just start crying. When there is a holding call that brings back a 40 yard carry I LOSE MY FREAKING MIND.

So you can imagine how excited I was when a couple of my high school friends wanted to start an all girl’s fantasy football league. I’ve played fantasy football before with boys, but boys just turn into dicks. Last year one of these boys kept calling me ugly and stupid because I was beating him. Which I’m not. But it still kind of hurt.

Girl’s fantasy football is going much better. I get made fun of for knitting and winning, which I do both of all the time! I’m a naturally competitive person so I waste an irrational amount of time reading injury reports and probable match up stats. I mean, IRRATIONAL, especially considering that winning gets me $70.

Clearly it isn’t about the money. It’s about me needing to kick all these other girl’s asses.

‘Dirty Dancing is on,’ Rachel said this morning at the gym, pointing at oh so young and adorable Patric Swayze on her TV.

‘Yeah I’ve got to watch this,’ I responded, never taking my eyes of Sports Center. ‘I need to double check the status of my fantasy starters.’

‘You are such a boy,’ she said. ‘And sometimes I have no idea what you are talking about.’

Yeah, that is about right. I even get that with boys, which pisses me off because they should know! I know! Why don’t they know? I mean, I know, and I knit.

I KNIT FOR CHRISTS SAKE!

There are 10 girls in my league and I’m currently in 2nd place. I’m doing awesome! I’ve got Chris Johnson and Calvin Johnson and Percy Harvin and LeSean McCoy…

Jason Hanson FOR LIFE!

AND JASON HANSON! The 40 year old kicker for the Lions since 1992. My team is actually named Hanson4life. My love of Jason Hanson has been a joke forever, but the real joke here is that he is practically carrying my fantasy team! On any given week he will score more points for me that my wide receivers.

Man, I would hate me if I had to play me.

Luckily, I don’t have to play me! I am me! Football loving knitter that I am. And hopefully I continue kicking ass or things around here are going to get WAY angrier.

Everyone has people in their lives that rub them the wrong way. I have football. As a Detroit Lions fan and a University of Michigan fan, I’ve had to find ways to entertain myself these last few seasons. I’ve done that by channeling my hatred and focusing it on three people.

While there are many, many, many, many people in football that I don’t like and would easily punch in the face if given a chance (Philip Rivers, Charlie Weis, Rich Rodriguez, Matt Hasselbeck, to name a few), these three men send me into a rage every time I see their barf faces.

In no particular order.

Jay Cutler

Sure, I hated Jay Cutler before he came to Chicago. I mean, just look at his stupid face! When he and Philip Rivers had that feud where they just grabbed their crotches towards each other during games? Watching them play was like watching Ohio State and Michigan State: Stadium blow up! Stadium blow up!

But my super hatred started when he came to Chicago and this whole city thought it was the second coming. And I would stare at these boys blankly and say things like, ‘The Bears have no wide receivers and no running game. And no offensive line. Jesus could actually be your quarterback and it wouldn’t matter.’ But they just laughed, reminded me of my Lions allegiance, indicating I couldn’t know anything about football.

So yeah, I’m a Lions fan. But y’all are stupid! 21 interceptions, 6 in the red zone, a $20,000 fine for unsportsmanlike conduct, and two of your four wins were because of field goals missed by the other team.

When Jay Cutler is shown after an incomplete pass I turn on my whiniest voice and screech, ‘GUYS!! Catch my BALLS!’ and PT and I giggle.

Matt Millen

I. Could barely. Google image. Search Matt Millen. Without having a seizure.

Blah blah he is an idiot and took a bad team and made them the worst team in the history of football. That team happened to be my team. He took a city of out of work people and gave them something to be collectively pissed about; distracting them from crippling depression and the fact that Detroit will be a ghost town in my lifetime. The STATE OF MICHIGAN chose to hate this man more than everything else going on in Michigan, including an almost 15% unemployment rate.

So yeah, I hated Matt Millen. But then ABC decided he would make an awesome college football announcer, and I lost it. Because if you suck at your job more than anyone has ever sucked at their job in the HISTORY OF THE WORLD, should you still be considered an expert in the field? He can have no idea what he is talking about, because if he does know anything about football he surely wasn’t showing up to work in Detroit.

The University of Michigan is bad. I accept that. What I can’t accept is MATT MILLEN being let into Michigan to do the play by play! I have to watch my team lose while listening to that man’s voice tell me why my team is losing. Really?! Really, Matt Millen?! YOU know what is wrong with my team? REALLY?! Please, keep telling me what we need to do to win games. Because, seriously, you must know something that I don’t. Being the ex-president of the WORST TEAM IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL!

Jimmy Clausen

(It is very bad when I need to find a picture of Jimmy Clausen to calm myself down.)

My hatred of Jimmy Clausen started in the first moment I saw him. It was his first press conference as the starting quarterback for Notre Dame, which he showed up to in a limo, when someone asked him how his team was going to do that year. He told them triumphantly that they were going to win all of their remaining games. Well, he didn’t say ‘remaining’ – that word has a lot of syllables. Granted, he had never lost a football game before coming to Notre Dame, so maybe he didn’t realize what losing was.

In any case, he lost 5 of his first 6 starts and looked like a fool and grew his hair out long and wouldn’t shut up. Your team sucks, Jimmy! You lost to NAVY twice! Shut your stupid face.

And look at this!

Embarrassing.

Dude. You play FOOTBALL. Have some respect for the game.

And amid rumors that the Cleveland Browns have been talking to him to join their storied franchise, along with Notre Dame’s last dbag QB Brady Quinn…

Who Names Their Kid Brady?!

… I couldn’t help but get a little excited. Think of what a disaster that will be! Joint press conferences with more hair product than a Victoria Secret Fashion Show!

That is what football is all about.

Pudge Rodriguez Loves Books

PT and I made it safely to Michigan yesterday during the most amazing game the Lions have played in … three years? Four? EVER? Even my mom got into it, losing radio coverage as time was expiring, moments before Matt Stafford threw his FIFTH touchdown of the game to win it!

Sorry.

Look at Pudge Rodriguez! She loves Coop, our book club book for December 7th. Can you believe I left her in Chicago?

I slept a ton yesterday and have finally recovered from the Yarn Crawl. And knit these!

Hand Warmers!

I bought some beautiful cashmere merino wool blend yarn on the Yarn Crawl Saturday specifically to whip these up as a birthday present for my friend Rachel. (Rachel doesn’t celebrate Christmas AND they are her birthday present, so the title of the post is completely off, but I wanted to keep the gift format. Silly? Oh yes.)

YO Lacy Diagnals

The pattern is CreativeYarn’s Diagonal Eyelet Hand Warmers. It was very easy to follow, clearly written, free, and they turned out super cute!

The Perfect Size

I made no modifications to the pattern other than I used size 7 needles. The Ravelry Project Page is here.

Buttons

I was on the fence about the buttons. Everyone is randomly adding buttons to things for no reason and I don’t know why. These buttons serve no purpose other than to CUTE!

Yeah... It's Cute

And they do cute. I get it! I’m ok with it! The gray and the pink are really cute together. I hope Rachel likes them!

Warm Hands

Does the lighting and background look familiar? That is right! I’m sitting in Biggby Coffee in Allendale, Michigan, using their free internet and sipping their Cinnamon-Toffee flavored coffee. When I finish up here I’m going to pick up my grandparents and head to Perkins for brunch. Then we are going to the mall! It’s a good old fashioned day off in West Michigan!

Hi, Sweetie!

I was a very busy lady this weekend! Starting with this little guy, who I made on Saturday.

Isn’t he the cutest?

I’m making a couple of these for my grandma for Christmas. My grandma doesn’t read my blog. My grandma and papa refer to the internet as ‘the google’. I complain about how my mom has dial up? My grandparents have never had the internet, and never will. So at least my grandma will be surprised by her present!

Elephant Plays Fantasy Football

Elephant Hangs Out With PT

The elephant helped us keep an eye on our fantasy football stats, and really liked to hang out with PT.

The pattern Flower Power Elephant by Ala Ela and is a free ravelry.com download, you can find it here.

Colleen's Knitting Needle Knitting Bag

And I knit another Knitting Needle Knitting Bag for my friend Colleen, who also doesn’t read the blog, so I’m safe here, too.

Regular Bamboo Handle

When I finished the first side, I put in the handle and didn’t like the light color of the bamboo with the yellow yarn.

Darker Needles, Cute Lining! Matching Button!

So I got some wood stain and painted the needles. I put in some cute fabric as a liner and got some fancy fabric buttons that I loved so much so the liner matches the buttons!

Fabric Button Love

Mom's Bag's Button

And I finally added the button to my mom’s bag to match the lining, too.

Lions Win Pizza!

PIZZA

As usual, PT and I made pizzas for Sunday football, but this time they were special because they were Lions Win Pizzas! My retarded Lions won their first game since December 2007! I couldn’t believe it! I jumped up and down fake/kinda serious screaming for 20 minutes!

My pizza had carrots, banana peppers, corn, and caramelized onions, and PT’s had all of that plus olives. Especially smelly olives this time.

I’ve got a group class tonight, and we are finishing up those Toilet Lid Covers! I was talking big about making a Lions Toilet Lid Cover, but I’ve made some slight changes. It will be finished tomorrow!