The Sweatshop of Love Blog

Today is my 27th birthday! I’m not a crazy birthday person, but I do like a good birthday cake and an excuse to eat a lot of good food, which is what I’ll be doing all day. Minneapolis is due a huge ice/sleet/freezing rain/snow storm today, and along with being new in town and not knowing a lot of people, we are staying in tonight with Carson Daily and Dick Clark for the first time since I turned 18.

Am I disappointed? Hell no. Today’s menu includes soysage pancakes, lobster, goat cheese empanadas, and, of course, birthday cake with sprinkles. We’ve got wine and champagne AND beers, and cake. Best birthday ever? It just might be.

Also adding to the fun is my birthday giveaway! I’m giving away 27 items because it’s my birthday and I can do whatever I want!

Giveaway #1: 20 Patterns!

I’m giving away 20 patterns throughout the day on twitter, so be sure you are following me on twitter for your chance to win. I’ll be asking for retweets and feedback and dropping patterns like it’s hot. Any and all patterns will be up for grabs and the winner’s choice.

Giveaway #2: 5 Ebooks!

I’m giving away 5 of my complete knitting pattern ebooks on facebook! Winners will choose from either my Summer Tour or my Hello Winter! ebooks. Be sure you are a fan of The Sweatshop on facebook and check for information on how to win an ebook there.

Giveaway #3: 2 Etsy Items!

I’m giving away two items from my etsy shop here on the blog! Leave a comment here on this blog post about which item you’d like and I’ll announce two winners on Monday. Chose a finished knit or a knit kit! Whatever you want is yours. You’ve got till Sunday night to enter!

So there you have it! 27 ways for me to spread some birthday cheer. If you want some more Sweatshop in your life be sure to keep your eye on twitter and facebook today, and leave a comment here on the blog about what you want from my Etsy shop.

And happy new year!

If you are reading this I’m guessing you are a knitter and/or you love a knitter. With only 2 weeks to Christmas there isn’t a lot of time to mess around, so here is a breakdown of some thoughtful and quick gifts from knitter to knitter, non-knitter to knitter, and knitter to non-knitter.

Gifts from a Knitter to Knitter

1. Slippers!

Slippers like these DROPS Design 121-13 Slippers in Rib are knit with size 10 needles and super bulky yarn. You can knit a pair in an evening and are a great gift for a knitter because knitters generally don’t knit practical items like this for themselves.

I would LOVE these, but I will never knit these for myself. Why? Don’t know! But if I got these I would be tickled damn pink.

Run to JoAnn, get a skein of Lion Brand Thick N Quick. Print the free pattern. If you’ve got time you can even jazz them up with fabric covered buttons!

Check them out on Ravelry here.

2. Put together a thoughtful knit kit.

Do a little research on your friend’s ravelry page. See what is on her queue and buy the yarn for that project. Put it in a gift bag with the printed pattern. It will take a trip to the yarn store or an express shipping fee, but no knitting time is involved, and you will know better than anyone what your friend really wants to knit.

She doesn’t have ravelry or you can’t scope it? Get 1200 – 2200 yards of something pretty, depending on her size. That is enough yarn for most sweater patterns!

Gifts from a Non-Knitter to a Knitter

1. Toys!

Here is a list of things you can easily find at any craft store that we will always appreciate and rarely buy for ourselves:

1. Stitch Holders

2. Cable Needles

3. A Row Counter

4. Stitch Markers

5. A Pair of Tiny Scissors

6. Those Needle End Stopper Things

7. A Small Tape Measure

Get a couple of these and find a small, cute zipper bag to put them in. Any knitter will lose her shit.

2. A Pre-Made Knit Kit.

Hop on etsy.com and search knitting kit, and look for an accessory you like. The knit maker will have put in the kit everything your knitter will need to make that project. Steer clear of bigger projects like sweaters, because those are harder to judge of your knitter will like to knit that project, but any smaller project will be loved.

Gifts from a Knitter to a Non-Knitter

1. THINK SMALL!

It’s go time, people. With 12 knitting days till Christmas, and 5 knitting days till the last safe shipping day before Christmas, time is of the essence.

Here is a list of small project that can be completed in a night or two:

1. See Gifts from a Knitter to a Knitter, #1

2. A Change Purse

3. A Cowl Knit with Super Bulky Yarn and FAT Needles

4. Hand Warmers

5. Dish Cloths

Don’t kid yourself that you can do too much more than this. It’s not just about nights you have to knit, it’s about all the other stuff you need to do on those nights. It’s cookie baking season, and you can’t bake and knit. Be realistic, and don’t kill yourself knitting for people who, let’s face it, won’t appreciate what you knit them as much as you deserve.

2. A Book.

Go to Barnes and Noble, or Borders, or your local book store, and buy a book.

If you find yourself sitting down to watch It’s a Wonderful Life, find some self striping sock yarn in your stash, CO 16 sts, and garder stitch till the movie is over. BO, make a 4″ tassel and loop it in the middle of your CO edge. Put it in the book.

~~~

ENJOY THE SEASON! Read Christmas books to your kids. Go to parties. Have cocktails and cookies with friends at every opportunity. Bake, and cook, and sing All I Want For Christmas Is You at the top of your lungs 6 times a day. Do the things you enjoy doing! Killing yourself to finish projects at this point is just not worth it.

Worst case scenario? Write an IOU. But be sure to complete the project by the end of January.

Holy shit guys! The Sweatshop of Love got a freaking UPGRADE! Look at this sweet camera PT and I bought!

This is the first picture I took. Pudgey, yarn, my needle case. That is about right.

How sweet is that picture?!

So this blog is going to get a whole lot more beautiful, like, right now! Well, as soon as I figure out how to use the thing. So I’m off to take more pictures!

On August 12th I published a funny little blog post about the stupid things I’ve seen people wearing around Brooklyn since I’ve been here titled Chicago Hipsters Vs Brooklyn Hipsters. I’ve had this blog since February of 2009  and never have I gotten as much attention for anything I’ve written.

On the morning of the 13th Gapers Block put it on their front page, and in the afternoon it found it’s way onto Windy Citizen. That day I had 2,800 views, twice as many as my previous busiest day when I released my Summer Ebook.

It continued to get major play on twitter and facebook all weekend and on Monday the 16th the Chicago Reader picked it up. This past Friday it was Windy Citizen’s #1 most read story, so it got emailed out to their mailing list, me included, resulting in my second busiest blog day to date.

Since August 13th I’ve gotten 41 new twitter followers and The Sweatshop Facebook Fan Page has gotten 19 new fans.

Needless to say I was absolutely floored by the response to this post. I loved writing it and searching for pictures of the stupid outfits I was seeing around town and I spend really long time on it to make it just right. But I love writing every post I write and spend a really long time on every post to make it just right. I do this for free, for me and The Sweatshop, so if I didn’t love it I wouldn’t do it.

With all the readers, though, came some laughably negative comments, including a few extended fights between New Yorkers and Chicagoans about pizza.

A few of these comments went as far as to call me a stupid, boring asshole.

I don’t take any of these comments to heart and they don’t bother me in the least. I’m not stupid. And if I were boring you wouldn’t be reading much less leaving heated comments. And I’m not an asshole. I’m FUNNY! Sometimes, if you aren’t very smart, it is hard to tell the difference. It’s sad that a silly post about ankle collar sandals can get people as angry as it did, and that people put so much of their energy toward leaving anonymous angry comments on a random blog about knitting.

One of these negative comments did get me thinking, though. One woman asked, ‘Who do you think you are?’ before telling me I had no right to criticize everyone I see.

(Which, by the way, is ridiculous. America + Internet = Hypercritical Free-For-All, people! This is not new information.)

So who do I think I am?

I’m nobody. And neither are you. I’m a person who wrote a blog about stupid pants. I shouldn’t matter enough to you for you to call me an asshole anymore than you matter to me for calling me one.

I’m nobody. My opinion doesn’t matter. If you are sitting at a coffee shop wearing diaper harem shorts and a bra reading my post about how you are dressed like an idiot, you can easily do some googling and find another post about how you are dressed awesomely written by another nobody whose opinion doesn’t matter.

Who sounds like the bigger asshole? The person who writes about how stupid it is to wear shorts that look like a diaper or the person who anonymously calls a stranger an asshole for writing about how stupid it is to wear shorts that look like a diaper?

You think it’s her? Fine! You think it’s me? Fine! Unless you are my mom, who left this comment…

Allyson- I should not have read this at work…people hear me laughing and I am the only one in the room! One of the most enjoyable things you have written. Love you. Your Mommy

… I don’t care if you think I’m an asshole.

So who do I think I am? I’m me, ok?! Jeez.

There are a whole lot of words out there to read and I’m honored that so many people take the time to read mine, whether they think I’m an asshole or not.

Without getting into the exact definition of what  hipster is, and assuming that pretty much anyone between the ages of 18-40 living in Chicago and Brooklyn is a hipster, I bring to you seven specific terrible hipster fashion observations I’ve made after living in Chicago for seven years and Brooklyn this week.

Please understand, also, that based on these very liberal perimeters I am a Chicago hipster through and through. I love us hipsters, however fashionably misguided.

1. Hipster Boys are Generally the Same Everywhere, except for

a. Shorts

You will never see a respectable Chicago hipster in short plaid shorts. Or, god forbid, SHORT SHORTS. I don’t have the stomach to post a picture of the short short clad hipster men rolling around Williamsburg. It’s not that hot, y’all. I can see your balls.

b. Newsboy Pants

It’s like male Brooklyn hipsters decided skinny girl jeans were cool around their ankles, but their junk needed A LOT more room. These pants are sometimes jean, sometimes like sweatpants, sometimes (god help us) PLAID, but always ugly. They are belted high. No one in Chicago will ever wear these, thank you very much.

2. While Female Chicago Hipsters Try to Look Attractive, Female Brooklyn Hipsters Try to Look as Unattractive as Possible.

Every girl in Brooklyn looks like this. Or, more accurately, this, plus 20-60 pounds. These twig girls don’t look good in this. I weigh 134 pounds at 5′ 6 1/2″ and I wouldn’t look good in this.

Hipsters in Chicago love high waisted skirts and vintage dresses. We like being cute. Hipsters in Brooklyn love looking like they are wearing underwear and their fat father’s dirty t-shirts.

Brooklyn Hipsters: If you flip it and reverse it, and put this big on the bottom and the tiny on the top, it works MUCH BETTER! Every girl in Chicago looks like this. Because it’s cute.

3. Hipsters in Brooklyn are VERY worried about ankle safety.

I’ve seen these in Chicago worn by fancy hipsters, yes. In Brooklyn EVERY hipster wears these.

I don’t think I could wear anything indicating my feet need a collar. Because my feet don’t need a collar.

Ignore the diaper shorts for now. ::shudder:: Just… ignore this girl totally. We’ll come back to her. Often. Somebody explain to me how these sandals are cute. They cut your legs off in the WORST place, making you look short. If it’s cold enough that you want your ankles covered, wear boots. Or socks! If it’s hot enough that you need your entire food exposed, you don’t…

Never mind. Just. Forget it. I’m chalking this one up to woman can’t be explained and moving on.

4. Female Brooklyn Hipsters LOVE Airing Out Their Junk.

a. The Harem Pant

So you look the same coming and going! These, along with the ankle collar sandals, are in Chicago but worn by fancy hipsters and fancy people. Which, almost makes it worse.

Everyone here wears these! Fancy rich people, hipsters, and tourists. I’ve seen more harem pants this week in NYC than in the entirety of the rest of life.

b. The Harem Short

(Also See Above Ankle Collar Picture)

I didn’t even know these existed before coming to Brooklyn. I have one statement: IF IT MAKES THE 80 POUND MODEL LOOK LIKE SHE’S WEARING A DIAPER, JUST IMAGINE WHAT IT WILL DO FOR YOU! Again, have never seen these in Chicago. And believe me, I would have noticed.

c. The Granny Harem Pant

Because harem pants aren’t big enough! These are everywhere in Brooklyn.

Imagine this pant as a skirt. Cute, right? Still a little heavy, but wearable. But this is not a skirt. This is pants. This. Is pants. Only in Brooklyn. And on Disney’s Aladdin.

d. The Dress Harem Pant

How can you wear sweat pants on a date or in the office? Call them DRESS HAREM PANTS. Again, all over NYC. Fancy hipsters, bum hipsters, fancy NYC ladies.

See that look on her face? That is the same look I have on my face looking at this picture! Camaraderie.

e. The Military Style Harem Pant

Because your hips can never get enough room. .. ? What?! You look like Napoleon. Or a German WWI soldier. In a bad way. Again, never in Chicago. Unless we are participating in some kind of battle reenactment.

5. Chicago Hipsters Love Rompers! Not So Much in Brooklyn.

I’m not big into rompers but they are on every hipster in Chicago. Maybe Brooklyn already went through their romper stage and every hipster here is over them, but I haven’t seen a single romper around these parts.

To this I’m going to have to say point to Chicago. If I was forced by gunpoint to wear a romper or harem pants I would chose the romper. Please don’t tell anyone I wouldn’t choose death.

6. Hipsters Psychotically Love Fedora Style Hats in Brooklyn.

Every hipster in Brooklyn owns this hat. You can see Ed Westwick in the top picture wearing one, and Diaper Harem Pant with Ankle Collar Sandal’s girl has one on, too.

I have so many other beefs with Brooklyn hipsters that I’m going to let this one slide. They are fine, as far as hats go, and I can see Chicago hipsters embracing this hat, too.

7. Brooklyn Hipsters Love Bras/Boobs

Maybe it’s just because it’s super hot here now, but I’ve seen so many bras this week! Very loose tank tops worn over short shorts or leggings and a bra is real big in Brooklyn. Call it my Midwestern sensibilities, but I’m positive tank tops in your size work just the same as really big tank tops.

Chicago hipsters show their bras off, too. But usually it’s a shoulder strap here, a back strap there, never full on cup showing in the armhole of your tank top. Chicago hipsters might run into their mothers, or bosses. Or, neighbors. Or brothers. Or an old college professor. A good Midwesterner doesn’t want strangers seeing their bra! It’s inappropriate!

The major difference here is simple: Chicago hipsters want to be cute. We are freaking cutesy, many times to a fault. Like, how are you going to explain that hamster tattoo to your grandkids? Where Chicago hipsters over-cute, Brooklyn hipsters under-cute. It’s like everyone in Brooklyn wears costumes for my amusement. And they are in a costume contest to see who can look the worst. And they are all winning.

I could, and probably will, write about how cute everyone is here, too. This is a summary of the worst Brooklyn hipsters have to offer. There is a lot of it. And I’m enjoying every minute of it.