My Detroit Tigers are in the Bronx this week so of course I was going. I had never been to Yankee Stadium so I wanted to see the $1.3 billion spectacle.
The New Yankee Stadium
10 Reasons I Hate/Am Ok With the Yankees
1. Yankee fans know their baseball I got to the stadium early to marvel, and everyone from the super old Polish lady on the train to the 7 year olds I sat next to while it was raining knew every player, that night’s lineup, the Yankee’s record against the Tigers this year, the Tiger’s lineup, the history of the pitching match up. I like being around people who love baseball.
2. Yankee fans are complainers If I believed everything I heard during that game I would think that:
a. It has rained at every Yankee game since the beginning of time.
b. Robinson Cano sucks. (He is batting 322 with 21 home runs and 73 RBIs at publishing time. Decidedly un-sucky.)
c. A swing and a miss for strike 1 is a boo-able offense.
Tigers Batting Practice at Yankee Stadium
3. Yankee fans are die hard, dedicated fans Who knows what would happen if the Yankees ever aren’t in a pennant race, but every person in that stadium had a Yankee shirt on. Most of them had a shirt and a hat and a drawstring backpack and kids with them wearing Yankee tshirts and hats. When it started raining they pulled out their Yankee umbrellas. They have a good team so of course they are decked out! It was fun to see every single person in one enormous stadium dressed exactly the same.
4. Yankee fans have absolutely no idea the Yankees are the best team in baseball While their tshirts say ‘Got Rings?’, their mouths say, ‘YOU SUCK!’, which is hard for me to understand. The Tigers are 10 games back in the AL Central and aren’t even playing 500 ball and I’m still not telling them they suck. They’ve had some hard knocks this season and are still fighting, which is all I can really ask for.
Rain Rain Go Away Already!
That logic would blow the mind of a Yankee fan, because if you aren’t hitting 1000, going 5 for 5 every night with 5 home runs, or have an ERA of .000, you just aren’t trying hard enough and deserve to get boo’d and told you suck.
5a. No rational person can afford to eat at Yankee Stadium
My $5 20 oz Diet Pepsi
Normal ballpark food is expensive, but when a bottle of Bud Light costs $9 something is terribly, terribly wrong.
5b. Sushi is not, and I repeat, NOT ballpark food, you pretentious douches
Yes, Derek Jeter, you order that sushi. 4 California rolls at a ballpark are totally worth $18.
6. The Yankee grounds crew does a choreographed dance to YMCA while raking the infield I have many issues with this:
a. You’ve worked your way up in the grounds crew world. You started in Cleveland, went over to the Cardinals for a few seasons but you earned your stripes and are now on the grounds crew of the New York Yankees. But before you start doing your job you have to learn choreography to one of the most obnoxious songs in the history of the world, the YMCA.
And you think something you never thought you’d think: GOD I wish I were back in Cleveland.
b. Why the hell are the Yankees playing the YMCA to begin with?
c. Not only do the Yankee fans not boo this display of ridiculousness and complete mockery of the institution of baseball, they drink it up! They all LOVE the YMCA like it was 1979, or like they are all 8 year old girls.
7. Yankee fans know how to follow directions Not only do they all love the YMCA, during the course of the game they danced wildly to Cotton Eye Joe, pulled out their American flags for God Bless America, got super noisy whenever the jumbo-tron told them to get noisy, did the wave when a man wearing a Jets Thomas Jones jersey started it, and yelled and clapped in unison whenever anyone around them started, ‘Let’s Go Yankees!’ clap clap clapclapclap. It was like kindergarten for angry fat men.
Love for Curtis!
8. Yankee fans have embraced my Curtis Granderson
Curtis Granderson on the Jumbo Tron at Yankee Stadium
When one of my favorite Tigers got traded to the Yankees in the off season this year I was crushed, but he is doing well for the Yankees and they seem to really like him! There were tons of Curtis tshirts everywhere and was one of only two players not to be boo’d by Yankee fans.
Curtis and Derek Jeter is your guess? And A Rod? And Posada? And Teixeira? No no no, silly. Curtis Granderson and Nick Swisher were the only two Yankee players not boo’d during the game Monday night. Clearly two of the biggest names on the Yankees.
Wait. No. They aren’t at all.
9. Yankee fans are really, REALLY angry… The game did not go well for the Yankees Monday night. The Tigers jumped out to a 2-0 lead in the 2nd and knocked out their starting pitcher Vazquez in the in the 4th.
I’m not an obnoxious fan, but I’m a cheerer. I was living in Chicago by the time I got really into Detroit Tiger baseball so I’ve been an away-from-home fan my whole fan life. I’m not afraid of getting boo’d or harassed from home fans but when Miguel Cabrera hit a solo home run off Joba Chamberlain in the 9th to make the game 3-0 the angry yelling and boos were so loud and intense that I wasn’t about to stand up like I did when Ryan Raburn hit his 2 run shot in the 2nd.
10a. … but they didn’t give up hope that the Yankees could pull it out
Just Before Things Got Scary
In the bottom of the 9th the Yankees loaded the bases with 1 out. I took a picture of the scoreboard before things started getting hairy for the Tigers so I’d remember that they were ahead at some point just in case they blew it.
These fans really thought they were going to score 4 runs in the bottom of the 9th to win the game! Maybe that is what years and years of winning does for you, but if the Tigers had bases loaded with 1 out in the bottom of the 9th I would be silently crying, knowing they weren’t going to pull it out so then on the off chance that they did win I would be totally surprised!
10b. But were still SUPER angry about it their hopefulness For instance, the Tigers closer couldn’t throw a strike to save his life. He walked the 9 batter to score the first Yankee run of the game, bringing Derek Jeter to the plate with the bases still loaded.
Angry Yankee Fan Next To Us: DON’T SWING AT ANYTHING JETER!
Ball 1 is thrown
AYFNTU: GOOD EYE JETER! KEEP THAT BAT ON YOUR SHOULDER!
Ball 2 is thrown
AYFNTU: KEEP IT UP JETER! DON’T SWING AT ANYTHING!
Jeter takes strike 1.
AUFNTU: Why didn’t he know that was coming? You don’t think he’s going to throw you a fast ball down the middle on a 2-0 count? JETER YOU SUCK!
PT and Me
Derek Jeter, who sucks, miraculously hit into a game ending double play and the Tigers somehow walked away with a 3-1 victory.
Despite the intensity of that last half inning, I had a great time at the game. I couldn’t afford to eat anything, was really confused about the Yankee Stadium music choices and misguided fan intensity, but I only got yelled at by fat Jersey Shore trash who had no idea what they were talking about and slept through innings 6-9, and I went home with a victory.
I would go back in a heart beat! Wearing a tshirt that says: Hey Yankee Fan! Chill Out. And the YMCA and Cotton Eye Joe are Really Stupid.