You know when someone asks you how you are and you answer, ‘Imgoodhowareyou?’ without thinking? Because it’s annoying when you ask a stranger how they are, just to be polite, and they give you a long list of things wrong with them.
But you know when someone asks you how you are and you stop to think about it awkwardly without meaning to?
How am I? God. I’m… well, I’m… Things could for sure be better.
It’s a hard balance to strike here between knitting and me. Most of you are reading this for the knitting. But I’m knitting the knitting, but that doesn’t necessarily give me license to talk willy nilly about the nuances of my life.
Papa's Obit
I have been pretty business oriented lately. It’s been easy, what with the launch of the knit kits and all my classes and the crazy amount of knitting I’ve been doing these last few weeks. I haven’t been searching for things to write about.
But how am I?
See? I was doing good before this. I was spelling words wrong on purpose for effect (MAD SKILLZ! HOTT!) and talking to y’all with a fake southern accent for person-ability’s sake.
But I kind of just want to be laying down on the floor most of the time. I didn’t really want to watch the Super Bowl. My last conversation with my grandpa was calling the winner (we both said Saints) and hoping it would be a good game (which it was). He would have loved that game. High scoring and lots of crazy plays.
I’ve been wanting to talk to him about it since it ended. It’s the first big football game we haven’t talked about since I started really liking football. Eight years?
And here I am, crying and crying and typing and crying.
I’m sad. But when your whole body focuses on one feeling it kinda clears the way for clearer focus other places, too. But then you don’t really have energy to do anything about how you just figured out you need to cut some people out of your life, or rearrange your closet to make it easier to find the clothes you wear all the time instead of needing to dig around the clothes you wish you would wear all the time to get to them.
Or how all you really want is to be taken away by a stranger who doesn’t know about how sad you are. Somewhere you would never go, like Cancun. With just a bikini, huge sunglasses, and a big hat. And your knitting bag.
This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it with us. Don’t be scared to open up on the blog – of course we love your knitting, but we like hearing about you, too. Even if it’s sad.
Hugs.
.-= Anne P´s last blog ..If this isn’t the SNOWMAGGEDON… =-.
Comment by Anne P — February 10, 2010 @ 5:06 pm
Oh and I totally know what you mean about the “How are you?” question. It’s totally fine that no one really cares about an answer beyond “Imgoodhowareyou”… until you’re not good. And then all of a sudden you don’t know if you can answer without bursting into tears and making things really awkward.
.-= Anne P´s last blog ..If this isn’t the SNOWMAGGEDON… =-.
Comment by Anne P — February 10, 2010 @ 5:07 pm
i know what you mean about people asking how you are! one day earlier this year i had received some terrible news, and was walking to work, and some guy on the street said “hey, how you doing? smile!” and i burst out crying.
i’m so sorry about your Grandpa.
Comment by joelle van dyne — February 10, 2010 @ 6:57 pm
Don’t need to be strictly business all the time…real life is real hard some times (Don’t I know that)
I am glad you share YOU with us all.
You are going to need grieving time sweetie!
big big hugs your way!
xo
.-= Cindy´s last blog ..Lookin’ for my New Groove =-.
Comment by Cindy — February 11, 2010 @ 1:02 am
Not all of us read just for your knitting. Some of us really do want to know how you are doing as hard as it may be sometimes to come up with an answer.
Comment by Lori — February 12, 2010 @ 12:06 am