People go through unimaginably hard things every day. I’ve been staring blankly at the tv screen with everyone at the pictures coming out of Haiti, like I did after Katrina, the tsunami in Indonesia, 911. I can’t imagine how anyone makes it out of any of that.

So after all of that, one life doesn’t seem like it should matter. If people can make it through those things, I should be able to make it through one dying Papa.

My grandfather, who has been known to make an appearance here every once in a while (we went on a hot trip to the casino last summer!), has lots of cancer and the one kidney he has got left is almost completely dead. He is sick of the all the treatment, and no one can blame him.

And I’m saying sentences like, ‘Hospice is covered by medicare!’ and ‘kidney failure is just a natural shutting down of the system, where if it were the cancer that were going to get him first that would be a lot more painful!’ and ‘they can just bring a hospital bed right into their house!’

I’m very lucky to have grandparents for as long as I’ve had them and to be as close to them as I have been. My grandpa is much more like a father to me than my actual dad, and is the reason I don’t have serious daddy issues. I’m thrifty because of him. I’m naughty/funny because of him. He has always been supportive of my decisions while making me really think about them practically. He is my financial adviser. He lovingly pointed out that I was fat when I was and noticed every pound I lost. He always wanted to know how I was going to do my hair for special occasions when I was a little girl. He bought me fun school outfits my mom would never buy me.

We talk sports and he listens to me like I know what I’m talking about and is interested in my opinions; something no other man in my family does. He knows the names of all my friends. He knows about all of my jobs. He knows about all of my knitting classes. He loves to hear about all the parties I’m going to each weekend. He knows about all of my boy problems. No other man in my family knows anything about any of these things.

We are still talking about the Tigers like he is going to be around when the season starts. That kills me.

But it doesn’t kill me. I’m here. Healthy and staring into what will be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. And I’ll do it because I don’t have a choice, like everyone faced with hard things. You wake up every day and you eat and work and try to be normal because that is the only option.

So I’m eating and working and trying to be normal because that is my only option.

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