All I had been hearing about since PT and I started dating was how awesome Minnesota is and how totally awesome the Minnesota State Fair is. So crammed into the park and ride shuttle on the way to the Fair, stuck in Fair traffic, we were all freaking out and I didn’t even really understand why.
I had my ticket and was ready for whatever awaited us behind the gate. Anne and PT were old pros at the Fair and knew exactly what we had to hit first.
The Fair is one big thisiswhyyourfat.com entry, complete with extremely large people eating foot long corn dogs and mounds of funnel cake. If it’s not deep fried it’s not at the Fair, and that was ok with us. Anne bee-lined it to the mini donut stand which we ate with fries.
I can safely say that mini donuts are the most amazing thing I’ve ever tasted. They were probably my favorite part of the entire trip, which might make me a bad person. But who am I kidding? I might kill for another bag of these if it came to it.
The Fair had all your typical Fair things, like animals and carnival rides and lots of games. But it also had a lot of extremely ridiculous things that I’m convinced you can only find at the Minnesota State Fair. Like women carved out of butter.
And this crop art portrait titled, ‘Self Portrait with First Ladies’. So that is a picture of the haloed artist with Nancy Reagan with a parrot on her shoulder and Laura Bush with a monkey on her shoulder. Made of seeds.
There was a lot of knitwear! My favorite part of these sweaters is that the maniquins are either being killed in a gas chamber or having orgasms.
A lot of it was pretty boring. There wasn’t one sweater that stood out to me as anything more than just a sweater, but it was fun to see the display and everyone admiring the knitwear!
There was lots of art; some a little more classic than others.
The picture of PT and I reminds me of a picture of my little brother Adam and I on vacation when we were like 6 and 4. We put our heads and hands through old wooden torture devices, and I couldn’t stop laughing. Adam, at 4, looks like he is actually being tortured, and I’m laughing my butt off.
We met up with PT and Anne’s friends Andy and Katie, who live in Minnesota, and by that time it had been like 90 minutes since our last fatty feast, so we did what any normal Fair goer does and split a bucket of cookies.
Andy’s face is for real. Those cookies were out of control.
His shirt is for real, too. It’s even glow in the dark.
We walked over to the all you can drink milk stand and ate as many cookies as we could while drinking as much milk as we could. And we were ready for animals!
As much as I don’t care at all about people babies, I sure do love baby animals! I can’t tell you how many 4 year olds I had to elbow in the face to get these close up shots. That lamb was like 10 hours old!
But as much as I love baby animals, I sure as hell don’t want to see them being born. I innocently walked to the middle of the ‘Miracle of Life’ barn to see two hooves sticking out of a cow! I barely made it through the birthing video in health class, and a baby cow is significantly larger than a person baby! Gah.
While we were at the Fair we counted rascals, defined not as wheel chairs, but just used by people too fat to walk around the Fair, and Vikings Brett Favre jerseys. Final count? 29 rascals and 24 Favre jerseys. The weather was working against Brett, though, as it got pretty chilly by the time we left and we figured that a lot of those jerseys were covered up by sweatshirts. Still pretty amazing.
The fact that we spent 6 hours at the Fair, ate fries, mini donuts, 5 dozen cookies, all you can drink milk, frozen malts, corn dogs, honey lemonade, and deep fried cheese curds, went home to rest a few hours, then went out to a bar and ordered 18 wings baskets of deep fried green beans and deep fried pickles, two pitchers of beer and a glass of wine.
If you can measure your day in direct relation to food illness, the sicker the better, Minnesota State Fair Day was the best day of my life.