I’ve been sitting here for 20 minutes trying not to be excited. Last time I was on the verge of being this excited was last spring when the Tigers got Miguel Cabrera and I was texting everyone about how the Tigers are the best team in baseball and dancing in front of everyone singing, ‘y’all gonna SUCK!’ Then the season started very badly and people were comparing Cabrera to Jar Jar Binks (fat, worthless, and overpaid being the key points), and I couldn’t go a game that first month without getting a text like, ‘hey bitch, what you want?’
So, I was staring at my computer screen blankly, alternating thoughts between, ‘WASHBURN WASHBURN WASHBURN WASHBURN WASHBURN WASHBURN WASHBURN’, and ‘Find a problem, find a problem, find a problem, find a problem’, when I got an email update from the Tigers with this picture in it.
This is Jarrod Washburn, a very good pitcher who will now be playing for the Tigers, which is a big deal.
But really? You are going to send this picture out to all your fans like, hey! look what we just bought! Look at his face. And I wish my boobs looked like that in a jersey; I would never take it off. And there is something seriously wrong with his elbow.
So, he is just a dude. A very talented dude who I want to kiss a lot because the thought of a series against any team with a Verlander, Jackson, WASHBURN lineup makes me want to cry tears of joy.
JOY! SUCK IT BITCHES!
But he isn’t very photogenic. And that is a problem. He has to work on that.
